Ryanair flight rules more severe
Written by ester arrigoni on March 27, 2014
New flight regulations to whom is booking a trip:
Subject: Confirmation for your flight
> Confirmed Reservation Number: J8YC8F
Flight FR 6367 From: Bergamo Milan To: Barcelona
You are shortly booked to travel on a Ryanair flight (your flight details are detailed above). In case of overbooking you are kindly request ground assistance to have accomodation at “UNDER THE BRIDGE HOTEL”)
Please note the following important information regarding cabin baggage:
> Strictly one item of cabin baggage is permitted per passenger (excluding infants, elephants and man with brainstorm) weighing up to 10kg with maximum dimensions of 55cm x 40cm x 20cm (your handbag, briefcase, laptop, shop purchases, camera, vibrator, penis pump, inflating dolls toys etc. must be carried in your 1 permitted piece of cabin baggage).
We remind you do not inflate the toys doll during take off, this could cause disturbance to your seat neigh’d.
> Click here for further information
IMPORTANT – If you arrive at the boarding gate with more than one item of cabin baggage or if the item exceeds the maximum permitted dimensions or weight, or whatever contains cheese like italian “Gorgonzola” we reserve the right to either refuse carriage of the item or where available airport staff may charge a fee of Euro 40/GBP 40 to check the bag into the hold of the aircraft. If you are unsure if your cabin bag complies with our maximum permitted cabin bag weight and dimensions, please check with the staff at the Bag Drop Desk, before going through security, just in case you can give them some coins under the table or offering a dinner.
If you arrive with a luggage that contains any dotted Pijama like pink panther or teddy bears stickers, please report to the security for checking, may be those items are not permitted due to common decency.
Cabin baggage must contain no prohibited items such as: lipstick bought in China, as we well know that the quality is very low and at the first kiss the lips returns natural colour. Parfum: please avoid to carry ARMANI because that taste remebering me that fucking first fianceed that left me for another girl working at the check in, with name CARLA (have you noted a FAT lady there?) if you are not able to find, please call the ground assistance or call me at 235488971.
> Prohibited articles:
dynamite, TNT and sospicius explosion substances and Mp3 songs of Gianna Nannini or other stupid italian singers that seems are related with Mafia or ‘handrangheta, even like prophane, ethane and formed bellygas after dining with beans.
Passengers carrying special underpaint with cotton to enlarge male pendals ar requested to report to the airport staff. Transportation of penis pumps, portable vagine and associated glycerine creme are subject to be approved before departure. In any case the on board staff will inform you prior landing to switch off any deflates apparatus that could cause depressurisation of the cabin and interference with normal flight equipment. During landing is also prohibited the masturbation in the toilet.
Please ask to the cabin crews the possibility to receive the necessary assistance may need.
We wish you a pleasent flight.
>(and take off that finger from nose, you are not a child!)
> If you wish to review your flight booking online to see what services you have already purchased – please click on the link below and fill in the required details to retrieve your booking online. In any case I have prepared for you a link that will go nowhere, but just in case you can check just you have nothing to do.
> From this link you can add a checked bag, priority boarding, infant and sports equipment to your booking, always paying a discrete sum of money (I’m working here!).
> Thank you for flying with Ryanair and we wish you a pleasant flight.
> And the next time, please advise your mum and do not forget to take a pullover that in barcellona sometimes its cold.